Monday, January 30, 2006

In early 02 maybe???

I`m in Bloomington, Indiana trying to get my mind right so I can make a positive impact on the future. To all ya`ll out there that`s in school, stay focused on what`s important. It`s imperative that we empower our minds to offset some of the injustices that have been previously placed. The dice are loaded against you, but when your ancestors were the first rulers of the world you don`t have too much to worry about if you handle your business. Learn their game and how to play it. We must get better instead of finding a way to get over.

I still believe this but man...what have I done today to make myself a better man? It's about advancement, achievement, focus. All of which I have come to lack. Atypical is what I aspire to be as I live an extraordinary life filled with love, passion,humor, and good health.

I'll Die.. Some other time

There is nothing like a near death experience to get the old creative juices flowing... Today I was pulling out to head back home after dropping my little brother off at school (why does he go to a private school anyway?) and was nearly leveled by a white caprice. He must have been going 70 on Salem, that's bad business! I definately should have been more cautious and will be for now on. At some point I'm probably going to develop a complex about driving. That's the second time!

Isn't it wild how quickly life ends! It's truly a here today gone tomorrow contract we have on earth. Heart disease, unindentifable conditions, and freak accidents! Life is temporary, so why not go all out and make it happen while you can.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Church Was Good

"I know Jesus, I know Paul, but who are you???"

Good stuff today at church. More evidence that we must have our own relationship with God, why we shouldn't be professional praisers. As I search for direction, I have decided to focus more on my spiritual relationship. I have come a long way since I first found God. It seems that many of my negative experiences are a direct result of my poor judgment and inability to focus on God.

I think the most profound question that you can ask any one is "who are you?" The challenging aspect of the question is that who you are transcends beyond where you come from, where you live now, the kind of car you drive, or how much money you make, it's really not about who you date, clothes you own, what you look like, or even the organizations you choose to join. Who are you? I have always found it lame when people identify themselves by some of those things (I'm a proud member of XXX) While it's great to take pride in your organization, who you are must be of more substance.

Who Am I?
I am an aspiring intellect, inspired by my surroundings to achieve. Because I am not there yet I am motivated everyday that I open my eyes, to challenge myself, to become a better man. While I may fall short some days, I am pursuit of those bad days to be less frequent then those that would be considered a success. I'm hard on me and refuse to become complacent because society says that I should be content with things that I have accomplished to date. I strive to be extraordinary, a change agent, stable, healthy, happy. I am my harshest critic and my biggest fan.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

When Times Get Rough

Every now and then, my house crashes to the ground. I spent years rebuilding it, brick by heavy brick, being especially meticulous of the way I laid each down… These years I’ve spent tip toeing so securely around the construction site of my life.

With time, you start to believe that you are stronger and practically invincible; a living, breathing antithesis of sensitivity. Sure, you’ve fallen victim to infatuation a few times… And you promise yourself never to do it again and so you don’t. And you become very protective of your feelings and you really start to believe that you can keep the mold of affection from growing subject to the constraints of your better judgment... You live in a state of paranoia; no one can be trusted. But, if it truly takes two to tangle. How can we find happiness in this world?

But every now and then something contends to remind me of how far I haven’t come …

And now, the very threat of returning to the ruins sends me tumbling through a whirlwind of confusion suddenly finding every wall that I’ve worked so hard to build, swaying in the wind. I realize my vulnerability…

Friday, January 27, 2006

What's up

At this point I have tried over and over to capture my thoughts. I must have lost more written journals,and have had my word files crash along with the many computers I have damaged (stop downloading man!) So this is my chance, hopefully the reptition that is my life will come to include frequenting this space. At the very least it will offer me an avenue of expression, or a way to recap the day. I wonder how long it will take until I am willing to share this with someone.