Today

I'm weeping deep down in my soul. I don't want to do anything without you but you don't feel the same way. I wake up in the morning wondering how you are doing but you never even call. When I initiate contact you get upset and ask why am I calling you so much. You must not know what love like this feels like. I just want to be next to you. I just want you to feel the same way about me, but I guess its too late.

I'm debating whether I should seek closure in its face and go after you in person or am I going to enter into the most hostile situation of my life? I am terrified at what I might see.

Day ...

I have now watched Definately, Maybe 3x over the past week. It's a good movie. Interesting concept about relationships. The main character seems to have known onsite which woman he was supposed to be with but never acted. Instead he went against conventional wisdom and found hisself divorced a few years later...

Not sure how my life will play out - but divorce won't be an option.

It has taken a woman to help me understand what it means to be a man. I'm sure to focus on nurturing, protecting, and freely giving myself in the future. I just want to b loved and be able to give love.

I talked to Kia today - she seems so distant. I'm at odds on whether to let her be. If she is so sure that she's done with me than is there any value in continue to push? I know that if not now than at some point - I want to be with her more than anyone I've met. Maybe God is prearing me for the relationship to come. Either way I have resolved to focus on self improvement - spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.