Sunday, August 10, 2008

Where Am i?

You'd think as time passed I would progress to a point where this didn't consume my mind... but I ain't there yet. It's clear that I have a hard time with closure amnd moving on. I'm sure this is a function of how involved I get with things. I have always been an all or nothing type of guy. Most of the time it works in my favor because I am able to present a tireless effort towards getting things done. Yet, in this case it is terrible. Because I can't get over the fact that as I sit here stairing out the window wondering what you are doing, that same thought is distnat from your htoughts. You couldn't care less and it hurts more than any pain I have ever known. This is beginning to be a repitious cycle. Do I hate myself now? Or should I even? In the greater scheme of things it's better that this has happened now vs. later, when it's just me that has to deal wth it...not children, more time, even stronger connections. Should that be the case?

I'm battling myself but it is so simple - it's not meant to be, I'm not enough, you want something else, I can't be that person for you... all good except I don't belive that. Now I know why to nevere laugh when people tell stories about their ex's. I'm remeinded of how you talked about your previous and how the interaction between you two played out over time. Can't help but think this to be the same. So having said that shouldn't I just stop?


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