Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Everytime I pick up the call and don't get an answer it is a shot to my confidence. It hurts to know that I don't have someone that feels for me enough to listen. It's a humbling proposition to consider how alone one can be in this world. I am capable of loving and giving of myself. So why am I not accepted by others? I hate myself sometimes because it hurts so much to be alone and I have no way of knowing how to improve the situation.

I'm tired of crying. I'd rather know that it was someone else that has taken my place vs. her deciding that she'd just rather not deal with me. I'm so weak inside to think that I need another person.

I get this pain in my stomach. A long aching sensation that symbolizes the discontent I have with lonliness. It is the personification of lone wolf syndrome. I have no one to call my own and I'm missing hearing words like "baby, how was your day" and " I miss you". No one thinks I'm that special. I'm invisible to happiness. I have considered ending it for myself, but the propset of eternal damnation is not so inviting. O lord - please save me from myself. My frustrations, anxieties, fears, emotional instability, heartache, depression - save me Jesus because I can't do it by myself.


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