Thursday, June 22, 2006

On the way home

Is there a friend that exists that does not illicit dissatisfaction?
One whom is non judgmental, easy to talk to, AND shares the attraction?
How do two souls connect?, Is it even possible for 1 and 1 to be 1? What am I lacking and do I have unrealistic expectations? It's like I'm trying to listen to the radio but can't access the frequency of the station! In my heart I'm not a bad man, yet and still I somehow evade being fulfilled. I run for my sanity, it's my release,one shot at therapy. I realize it's a marathon not a sprint, but this stage is scaring me! I feel non deserving. It's unnerving! It's affecting my focus like if I were driving I'd be swerving. But I'm not that fortunate, I'm coming up too short to even see over the wheel (Will), beyond myself or the construct that may be responsible for my discontent. I'm still in the passenger seat, I couldn't even tell you who owns whip! I'm subject to the approval of a myriad of others. I'm campaigning for acceptance, understanding, trust. I'm fighting temptations from gorging to lust! I pray that a better me evolves and I one day assume a more strategic role. I'm working to become faithful. Nothing worth attaining has ever come easy has been my experience. But I'm going to get there. I've got the fear of failing willing me!


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